The Tools and Rules of Ritual

I tend to lean towards the simple when it comes to the accoutrements of ritual. I find myself routinely skimming through catalogs, both paper and online, checking out all the wands, clothing and altar tools, but when it comes to actually putting them to use in my own life, it's just not my thing. I'd never knock another witch for their own preferences but for me less is definitely more.

I don't have an athame or a wand, nor do I own a white handled knife. When I cast a circle, I use my hand and when I need to cut herbs I use an old knife that belonged to my father who was an executive chef. My utility knife has a very worn brown wooden handle and a blade that's been sharpened countless times over many decades, but it speaks to my heart and when I use it my father is right there with me. I will admit that I have thought about finding a lovely fallen branch and crafting it into a wand but I haven't yet done this, probably because I know that I most likely wouldn't use it in ritual. Perhaps one day I'll make one anyways.

My circle altar has no fancy statues or decorations. I don't use special silver and gold goddess/god candles, but one simple fat white pillar to represent them both. I haven't a special dish or chalice so my offerings of food are served up on a plain dish and in a simple cup. I do have a nice incense burner because I grind my own incense rather than use sticks, but that's about the only thing that I've purchased from a shop. My cauldron is an antique that took me years to find, plain cast iron without any fussiness, and used for centuries by women who came before me.

And in circle I keep myself as simple as my tools. I've read about a gajillion books by witches and I have to say that while most of the authors are extraordinary in their talents and knowledge, they're also all utterly delusional. While it would be wonderful to have the time to bathe in a tub full of purifying oils by candlelight prior to circle, who actually has that kind of time? I'm lucky to have the time to cast a circle at all. I try to always wash my face and brush my teeth beforehand, but if I have to choose between the time for ritual and the time for cleansing myself in preparation for it, I'm going to choose circle every time. And given that I bathe every day, I seriously doubt that I'm so filthy as to insult the divine ones. I don't wear any special robes or clothing, but I am always barefoot. I've read in a few books that there is a "rule" about never wearing any hair adornments while in circle, but when I had long hair I always wore it pulled back and out of the way. I'd rather be breaking some silly rule than setting my head on fire. Sometimes common sense far outweighs the romantic notions set forth by those who revel in making ritual as intricate as it can possibly be.

There's something to be said for stripping it all down to the plainest way possible. Remove the glamour and you're left with what is most important, what it's all about. What so many might find boring is what speaks volumes to my soul and that's good enough for me.

Reincarnation Dilemma

When I was just shy of two years old, I wandered out of my playroom with a long dark brown colored pencil in my hand and sought out my mother. I then put the pencil in my mouth, took an imaginary puff from my “long black cigarette” and told my mother that before I had died and been reborn I used to smoke these. Naturally, my mother freaked out. She called my aunt and by the time my aunt had arrived at our house, I was no longer talking about my past life. Some people believe in reincarnation and others think it’s a big load of bunk, but just about everyone has a strong opinion about it. Not surprisingly, I personally believe very strongly in it. I only wish that I were still able to conjure up memories of my past life (or lives), but unfortunately for most people, that ability fades away very quickly the longer we remain on this earthly plane, and usually while we are still quite young.

My father passed away in 1980 when I was 16 years old and not a day has gone by that I haven’t missed him more than I could ever express in words. Through these many years I’ve had a great many visitations from him in my dreams. How do I know these were visitation dreams and not just ordinary dreams? Visitation dreams are incredibly vivid in every last detail and stay with you forever, as rich years later as they were the moment you first woke from them. Every single detail of my father’s visitations remain in my mind in super sharp focus, as opposed to just dreams about my father, the particulars of which all faded within hours of my waking. I hold the visitation dreams dearly in my heart, every last one of them.

Back in 2003, I had a very vivid and uncomfortably intense visitation dream from my father and was certain that the purpose of it was for him to say goodbye to me once again as he was preparing to reincarnate. I’ve held on to that dream in my heart and in my mind for six years now and only recently spent some time discussing it with a shaman who agrees with me that it was in fact a reincarnation dream as he was coming back to this plane in another form and he needed to say his final goodbye to me. I have had some very conflicted feelings since I first had the dream and they’ve only intensified since talking with the shaman. While I am happy that my father has moved on to the next stage of his soul’s journey, I can’t help but feel lost and abandoned all over again. I know it’s selfish of me to wish he were still watching over me, but it’s nothing if not completely honest. After all, I have lived my life for the last 29 years believing that when it’s my time to die, my father will be there (wherever “there” is) waiting for me and it’s the belief that I will see him once again that has kept me unafraid of death for nearly three decades and honestly looking forward to that time when I will be with him once more. But if he’s not there anymore because he’s back here as someone I don’t know, what will happen when I die? And when I go there, will I then be alone there too? My talk with the shaman has shattered my personal belief system and I’m now no longer sure what to think or how to feel.

This is one of the dilemmas we face with reincarnation: at some point we all need or choose to come back and where does that leave our loved ones that we yet again leave behind? It’s something that I have occasionally questioned, but without a great deal of concern until now, when someone I love so much is simply gone. Now really gone. I know when we die and when it’s our turn to return, we don’t fret over what or who we have left behind, but how do those of us who have been left behind handle the knowledge that those we have loved have begun a new life somewhere with no knowledge of us and all we shared anymore in their minds or hearts? Reincarnation, like so many other rites of passage in our lives, clearly contains within it a great deal of pain and conflict.

That’s what my heart is telling me, but my head just thinks that because my dad is gone again and really gone for good now, that this sucks more than anything. And now nothing is the same, nor will it be ever again, and I don't like it at all.