Everything in its Time

Like everyone else on this earth, there are many things in my life I wish I had never chosen to do, or for which I wish I had followed a different path, or wished something hadn't taken nearly as long as it did to work out. Life is full of "what ifs" and "I wishes" and if we dwell too much on them, we're doing a disservice to our present and even our future. People like to say 'we all make mistakes' and while it's true that it's human nature to make poor choices, if you think about it, are they really mistakes or poor judgments? In hindsight, maybe they are, but at the time we do/don't do those things we so wish we could go back and change, they are right for us (even if they're ultimately bad for us). I believe that everything happens for a reason and sometimes it all really sucks, but whatever is happening in our lives at any given time is what we need when we need it.

Someone very close to me likes to argue that this belief is silly as it means our entire lives are planned out in advance for us and thus free will doesn't exist, but I don't agree. I believe that before we come here in our present incarnations, we do plan things out. I like to think of it as a brief outline of what we desire to achieve soul-wise in this incarnation. Are all the details laid out? Of course not, but the essential bones are there. And when we get into this life and begin to really live it, there are options, paths and crossroads at which we need to make the choices that will move us in one direction or another. Regardless of whether or not we've forgotten what it is we are meant to learn this time around, those "choice moments" are presented to us and we either go the right way for that previously drawn up soul outline or we go another route; a route which may take us to the same place albeit in a very roundabout way, or one that has us miss our "moment" entirely and perhaps learn other lessons or even nothing at all. At those times we either have to hope for another moment in time when we can make the needed decision or risk having to repeat that part of our soul's journey once again in another life. But regardless, everything is in its time; perfectly in its time. And everything we do and say and act on happens when it is meant to, even if it takes you half a lifetime to realize someone you've tried to love is not a very nice person and needs to be jettisoned from your life. Or you were meant to be a missionary and not a school janitor. Or you're never, ever going to master the violin enough to make it a lucrative career despite decades of hard work.

As humans, it's in our nature to regret that which isn't perfect to our eyes and to be self-critical to the nth degree, but life isn't about easy or perfect or timely, nor is it about our own feelings of regret or our own shortcomings we wish we didn't have, it's about the end result and that- despite our fears of having wasted so much time- is going to take just as long as it's meant to.

The Journey

As a diehard perfectionist who can't rest till she gets done whatever it is she needs to get done, I am generally not one for lollygagging. I tend to operate solely in black and white and super straight lines with very little gray areas and even less circuitous routes. Get me from A to Z as fast as possible and let me get on to the next thing! And for heaven's sake, make sure I get exactly what I want in the process! But in all honestly, that's not really how we should be living our lives, is it? It isn't so much the reaching of our destination, but the journey we take in getting there.

I'm an artist by trade. I want to make something beautiful, finish the work and move on to the next big thing. Before I even begin to work on a new piece, I pretty much have an idea of where I'm going with it. Sometimes things go just as I had planned and it feels wonderful, but more often than not I find the work evolving into something different. Maybe not completely different, but different nevertheless. And I don't always like it. Not because it isn't necessarily "good" but because it isn't what I had intended and ultimately it changes my end result completely. In circle or when spell-casting I expect a certain outcome too, but like those paintings on my easel, that expected outcome often isn't how things turn out. Sure, sometimes a cast spell will manifest exactly how I had intended, but how often does that happen? And why not? Because it isn't about the end result. The lessons aren't there waiting for us to catch up with them. The lessons are always found in the process of getting to that end.

It isn't simply about making a beautiful painting with every detail controlled to the nth degree and it also isn't about whether or not that spell I created comes to perfect fruition. And it's the same for everybody else, too. It doesn't matter if we make mistakes or endlessly change our minds. And while it's nice to be fully satisfied with the outcome, it isn't as important as how we've reached that outcome. Granted, being truly happy with where we end up in any undertaking is wonderful, but really, that's just the icing on the cake. It's the letting go of our expectations, our preconceived notions, and really and truly experiencing whatever it is we are doing as we walk this path that matters. We can plan all we want to, but we must also be prepared to accept everything that comes our way: the good, the bad, the devastating, the remarkable and the serendipitous. In learning to let it all happen just as it is meant to, to enjoy the experience of life unfolding before us, is how we learn and grow within ourselves.

Love (or hate) the end result, but cherish every moment of the journey.

Arts and Craft

As an artist I try to bring my art to my craft whenever I can. It doesn't always have to be something big and showy, in fact it usually never is. I'm not the kind of witch who goes heavy on the pomp in anything I do. My circle casting is kept pretty simple with the emphasis on the energy I'm generating, not the endless gestures, the waving pentagrams into the air as I call the quarters or the need to dress in ritual garb of flowing robes and special jewelry. Actually, I don't own any special Wiccan clothing and while it may be fine for others, I personally would feel pretty silly ambling about in a druid-like costume. I also don't own an athame or even a chalice. My fingers and hands are sufficient to direct any energy I need to move and a simple stoneware cup works just fine if I am making any offerings on a Sabbat. No fancy altar cloths, no elaborate decorations, just me and the Divine and whatever my purpose for the circle is: a recognized day, a need for circle for the channeling of energy for spellwork, or sometimes even just to quietly commune with the Goddess and God in a peaceful meditation. But I digress.

No, my art comes into play with the smaller things that make my journey as a witch fulfilling. The decorating of seasonal altars in my home, the hand-painted labels I place on my herb jars, the elemental art that goes into creating my own incense for burning in circle or within my home just because I feel like smelling something beautiful and uplifting. I have sewn white cloths that I use to wrap the few tools I do use, and also hand-embroidered the symbols that adorn them. I have in the past dipped my own candles, which is a truly beautiful way to get close to an element, though I find it very time-consuming these days and buy my candles in shops. Candling is an art in itself and one I admire very much. Nothing is more lovely than a hand-made candle lit on an altar empowered with your intentions and heart and coming from one's own hand and imagination.

I grow as many of the herbs I use as I can in a field garden that my husband and I have planted in our back field. And I have in turn turned the garden into an outdoor altar of sorts with a place for leaving offerings or for moon-gazing on a warm summer night. Planning and planting the garden, while time-consuming and quite frankly often very tedious (I'm an instant gratification sort of person, so anything that requires patience and an extended amount of time to bring to fruition is usually fairly difficult for me, though always a good lesson), still strengthened my connection with the earth, and the choice of plants for their specific purposes and colors was for me like painting a living garden.

I have for years thought it would be great to design and paint my own set of tarot cards. If I ever find myself with months or even years of free time on my hands, this is something I would fill that idle time with. I can only imagine the power and energy a self-made deck of cards would bring. That would be a very exciting tool with which to work.

I love the "getting down and dirty" with my craft, the creating, the making, the building, the growing. It makes my journey and growth as a witch deeply personal and very beautiful.